In fairness to the other side, I would like to offer some pointed and useful advice on how to not succeed in business and life.  In the words of Dwight Schrute: “To me, success is simply the opposite of failure.”  Indeed.

I call them the Pyrite Rules.

Rule #1:  Say whatever comes to mind at all times and at any cost. Don’t like the boss? Tell her.  Think you are the smartest person in the office? Speak up. Holding your tongue is only going to hold you back.

Rule #2: Dress for excess. Funny hats, silly ties, colorful socks, goofy shoes and low-cut blouses are the way to get attention and get ahead.  Old soldiers should fade away, not young executives.

Rule #3: Never waste valuable work time washing dishes, cleaning the microwave or making copies. You can’t make it to the top if you are concerned about the bottom. Leave the monkey work for the monkeys.

Rule #4:  Regular  hours are for regular people. The day starts when you get there and ends when you leave. Remember, 9-to-5 is a bad movie, not a good day’s work.

Rule #5:  There is no “I” in team, so why would you want to be part of one? Teams are for baseball, not business. Colleagues are like excess baggage; unless you are flying Southwest, you’ll pay a penalty for having them.

Rule #6:  The needs of the one always outweigh the needs of the many.  Yeah, other people have problems and needs, but those are their problems, and who needs them?  If you want to make something of yourself, you have to stay focused on what’s really important… you!